“The world teaches us that children come with a cost. But they don’t teach that they come with a reward. The reward is the harmony created in a home centered on God and His purpose. ” ~ Barbara Curtis

 

I totally agree with Barbra Curtis. What do you say?

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Role of fathers

It is said that to be a father is to be a mentor? In line with this statement, I wonder how many fathers we have out there? As we celebrate father’s day this Sunday, my thoughts run out to the children who are seeking father figures in their lives yet their fathers are either somewhere or nowhere.

In their efforts to fend for their families, there is need for fathers to take the time to love, laugh, look, listen, and leave a legacy. This way they will connect with their kids.

When fathers are absent, children are more likely to display deviant behaviours, drop out of school, use drugs, be involved in the criminal justice system, and sometimes become young parents themselves. Fathers are thus called upon to not only be present but also model appropriate behaviour.

Fathers shouldn’t be afraid to show emotion, to cry and laugh for that is how their children especially boys learn that it’s okay to show emotion.

The best gift a father can give the children is to love their mother; showing his love for his wife and his child, telling them he loves them and taking delight in the efforts of the children as they try to show their love for parents.

Further, fathers should comfort, care for, and be there at all times, love unconditionally, and to make decisions in the best interests of their children. They can reassure their children that they are a rock upon which they can rely.

Indeed, God entrusts children to parents for a short time during which it is their responsibility to train those children in the ways of the Lord.

These roles are for parents NOT just fathers.

I don’t know if I am making sense, but let me take this early opportunity to wish the fathers and fathers to be a HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Im re-blogging this from a friend’s website. I think lessons from our National Anthem will be a good way to teach our children patriotism…

elishakiplagat

Ee Mungu Nguvu Yetu
Swahili Version English translation
First stanza

Ee Mungu nguvu yetu
Ilete baraka kwetu
Haki iwe ngao na mlinzi
Natukae kwa Undugu
Amani na uhuru
Raha tupate na ustawi.

O God of all creation
Bless this our land and nation
Justice be our shield and defender
May we dwell in unity
Peace and liberty
Plenty be found within our borders.

Second stanza

Amkeni ndugu zetu
Tufanye sote bidii
Nasi tujitoe kwa nguvu
Nchi yetu ya Kenya
Tunayoipenda
Tuwe tayari kuilinda

Let one and all arise
With hearts both strong and true
Service be our earnest endeavour
And our homeland of Kenya
The heritage of splendour
Firm may we stand to defend

Third stanza

Natujenge taifa letu
Ee, ndio wajibu wetu
Kenya istahili heshima
Tuungane mikono
Pamoja kazini
Kila siku tuwe na shukrani

Let all with one accord
In common bond united
Build this our nation together
And…

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Found this interesting.

Young girls on contraceptives

It is quite disturbing that early sexual debut and premarital sex are increasingly common features of the female adolescent in Kenya. The number of girls aged under 15 who are on contraceptives is high. Not only that, but also that unprotected sex is still common despite statistics having it that the level of knowledge concerning the value of using protective devices being high.

We may want to urge that girls are at risk of unwanted pregnancy what about infection of STI and HIV/AIDS as well as gynecological complications that result from prolonged use, misuse or abuse of contraceptives?

Unprotected adolescent sexual activity has significantly contributed to the rapid population growth, high birth rates, and escalating rates of HIV infection.  It is alarming that over time, HIV infection has shifted to younger segments of the population, that is, among those 15 to 24 years-old and among married couples. Is it that they are considering use of contraceptives than protected sex?

Research has it that STDs have a particularly large impact on young women who are more easily infected than older women and who, compared to men, are more frequently asymptomatic, more difficult to diagnose, and suffer more serious and long-term complications, such as pelvic inflammatory disease and ectopic pregnancy. This research further indicates that in Nairobi up to 90% of female commercial sex workers are HIV positive, and adolescent males are often clients of commercial sex workers. If our young girls are on contraceptives and sometimes engage in unprotected sex with these adolescent males you can just imagine the mess.

I agree that teaching teenagers about sexual health and contraception is very important. There is need to provide not only sexuality education but also life skills development to enable them behave responsibly and take control of their actions. We also need to do a re-evaluation of our peer education programs. To take care of peer pressure, we need to increase the number of peer educators and sufficiently equip them, because they will significantly increase knowledge, attitude change and self-efficacy among teenagers. Peer education may be most effective among secondary school students as this is where influence on use of contraceptives is greatest.

What is your take?

Role Modelling

Do you know who your children aspire to be like? Who is your child’s role model? It may seem as though it isn’t that important but as parents we need to think about this. A role model is someone whose behaviour is imitated by others. Of course, there are good role models and bad role models. There is even the anti-role model who behaves so badly that s/he serves as a good example of what NOT to do. The dictionary defines a role model as a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people.

I teach Sunday school and sometimes when you ask children who their role models are, many of them would say rappers, athletes and basketball players. Yet the possibility of making it in life as one of those is zero. I keep wondering why the math or science teacher is never mentioned because the teacher presents some sense of reality and if they work hard they could actually become that math or science teacher. Some children get so wrapped up in admiring famous people that they go to great lengths to try to become them by dressing like them, having their photos in their rooms, imitating their talk and walk styles among other traits. So as a parent, be aware who your child thinks is worth admiring. And if you think the person is an inappropriate role model… hey do something about it. Do not just tell them NO but  find out why they admire the person and explain to them what about the person makes them not worthy of admiring; while at it find out  who else they admire and help them to choose on the right models. 

Children require role models to emulate, to give their growth and development a fulfilling direction. Powerful role models allow children to believe in themselves. It is said that children with good role models develop into adults with vision and values. Some children grow up in situations that make them feel dejected, unwanted, and unappreciated. Role models will speak to a child’s innate optimism and belief in goodness, that strength of character can fight and win the most hopeless situations and also to know that ordinary people can live extraordinary lives.

Who are suitable role models?

At least there is someone who will surely serve as an important role model in a child’s life, that is, the parent. YES parents, because kids learn by observing and interpreting and making meaning of what is going on around them all the time. Thus your kids are observing you and eventually will judge what kind of a role model you are based on how you behave, your relationships with others, how loving and caring you are, and how mean and selfish. You may be positive or negative role models for your kids but you may also be a mix of good and bad, with some traits that your kids will want to model and carry on to the next generation and some that your kids will reject and be glad not to pass on to their kids.

Parents can be children’s most powerful and inspiring role models because parents model with warmth and love. Children learn by how you live, and being so close, both physically and psychologically, you can transmit your own wisdom in many different ways. Parents can use stories from the family history to keep alive a sense of family and connected-ness.

 

Both girls and boys require role models who give specific gender-related messages. It has been through gender role models that women of today for instance have explored avenues for themselves outside the confines of the home, and are developing new and interesting ways of expressing themselves in society, culture, politics, art, literature etc. Introduce your children to books, movies and articles about the lives of famous people who you think could be inspirational and encouraging. Discuss these with them, talk about your children’s dreams and ambitions for themselves, and always support them in their efforts.

Encourage independent thinking and let your children know who you think are great role models. Parents need to talk to their kids about what’s on TV and what values it promotes. Yes, the TV anchors, sportsmen, actors, musicians, are great but what about someone who has devoted his/her life to helping others, someone who started small, someone who is really smart and worked hard in school to succeed, are such people to be emulated? Push for alternative role models because if you don’t the media will keep hawking celebrities to our children as the royalty of our culture.

Too many people in the lime light, who are looked on as role models end up disappointing us and our kids by their bad behaviour; I am not sure if they should trusted with such an important job. The best we can do is be the best role models ourselves.

Therefore the next time you are thinking about role models, think of your own behaviour and what lessons your kids are deriving from it day after day, year after year, generation after generation. We all hope that our children have good, strong role models who possess the kind of qualities that make our sons and daughters want to be (and become) better people.

Spare the Rod

“Spare the rod and spoil the child”, they say. Do you agree with it? Were you spanked as a kid? Was it appropriate? Some people see spanking as child abuse or an outdated method of punishment. Where do we draw the line when it comes to disciplining our children?

This popular expression is not found in the Bible.  So where does it come from? Well it turns out that it’s from a 17th century poem by Samuel Butler called “Hudibras”.  In the poem, a love affair is likened to a child, and spanking is commended as a way to make the love grow stronger.  The actual verse reads,

“What medicine else can cure the fits

Of lovers when they lose their wits?

Love is a boy by poets styled

Then spare the rod and spoil the child.”

 

Some advocates of spanking children point to Proverbs 23:13 for justification.  It says: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Basically, do not withhold instruction from your child: if you discharge your responsibility as a parent and correct him/her, you can save them from death – spiritual, physical, emotional or psychological. Also Proverbs 13:24 – Whoever spares the rod hates their children,   but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

So is spanking an effective means of disciplining kids. This topics on whether to spank or not seems to generated so much emotion. First, what does the law say? Is it illegal to spank your kids? The answer is no-but parents who spank must be very careful to avoid abuse which is unlawful. Thus, while spanking is not illegal, bruising or otherwise injuring a child is.

How many parents spank or even are in support of the practice. Some professional organizations of physicians, psychologists and human rights groups have suggested that spanking is detrimental and leads to family violence and child abuse. But what about mild spanking as a corrective measure? Is it a good idea? Spanking works best when coupled with other disciplinary measures, such as, verbal correction, time out and logical consequences. Talking with the child about what behavior is expected and why-with the potential of a follow-up spank- may work best.

In my opinion, spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehaviour, especially a child’s persistent disobedience of a parent. However, it should also be used where the child receives at least as much praise for good behaviour as correction for defiant behaviour. Is it true that only a parent should administer a spanking, not another person?

Whatever your opinion, let’s not lose sight of the point here, which is, if one does not discipline a child, he or she will never learn obedience and good manners. Like my Bishop always say that between a child and foolishness is a rod if you remove the rod then the child becomes foolish. It sounds best in Swahili “Katikati ya mtoto na ujinga kuna kiboko… isipotumia kiboko mtoto anakuwa mjinga.